Making Time for Friends

I’ve chatted earlier on the blog about how to make friends as an adult, but I think that making time for the friends that we already have can be a somewhat big challenge unto itself. I think at first a lot of us think, “Well, I’m home from work by 5:30pm, and I don’t have much else going on”, but then you realise that you have also agreed to help your friend move, you need to make something for the office potluck, there is a shower for someone, and you need to get your gutters cleaned out before the weather changes. I believe that friends are the greatest support system and resource that you can have, but you have to be willing to put the time into them!  These are 4 easy tips for making time for friends, and hopefully give them the time that they (and you) need…

1) Be Flexible

I am as bound to my schedule and routine as a human being could possibly be, but maintaining a relationship of any kind requires give and take, and flexibility. Take a look at your schedule and decide what cannot give at all, what can be moved, and what can be cancelled altogether! For example, I have to be home to walk Agnes, give her her dinner, and get some play time in, that is non-negotiable. However, me not liking to do evenings out during the week is more of a preference and isn’t a hard and fast rule.

I’m not saying that you need to abandon the structure of your life forever to spend every waking hour with your friends, but make an exception, move your calendar, and make seeing your friends a priority. Meeting someone half way is a pretty strong message, and I think that that tells your loved ones that you do care about them enough; only meeting someone when it perfectly suits your schedule rather says that it is only important to you if it works for you. Every once in a while, throw routine to the wind, and do what you have to see your friends!

2) Get Creative

If you are truly one of those enormously busy people, the one who works three jobs, runs a blog, helps friends with their business, volunteer at eight places, and still make time to see everyone as much as possible, you will probably have to get creative when you make your plans. Maybe you do have to make 4 dozen cupcakes for a wedding shower, or 72 meatballs for an office potluck- we have all been there. Well, invite your friend over to help with the work, and chat while you do it! Most tasks are more enjoyable when you have company, and you will be able to split the work with someone else. (My only recommendation with this is to make sure that it isn’t a one way street; offer to help your friends with projects and tasks the same, or they may view it as you using them for labour rather than wanting to actually spend time together.)

Also, if you work reasonably close by each other, maybe you meet for coffee before work or a quick bite and catch up at lunch. Or if you both go to the same gym, maybe you both find a time that you can go together and sweat it out in a team. Finding ways to make your existing commitments work together can take a fair amount of creativity and work, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t worthwhile!

3) Plan Really Far Ahead

As ridiculous as it may seem, you might have to plan out your get-togethers a month or more ahead. I’m already booking things in with friends for November and December because everything is ridiculously busy! Even if you aren’t a “planner” per se, plan to spend time with your friends. The worst thing that happens is that you can already tell someone else that you have a commitment at that time. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but planning ahead is pretty much what adulthood is! There are some people in my life who can never ever plan ahead, and I can say it’s probably one of the biggest reasons I’m not closer with them.

I have to say here: I am of the opinion that once you commit to something, that is what you should be doing. Not changing your mind if something better or more entertaining comes along, or deciding in between agreeing and the actual event that something else is more important, but doing what you agreed to do. Yes, things like work, illness, and family emergencies do come up and we all should be understanding, but from my own experience, it usually isn’t one of those things.

4) Make It a Standing Date

If nothing else, make yourselves a standing date! Maybe you go for brunch on the first Saturday of the month, maybe you always go to the Barre III class at your gym on Wednesdays, maybe you get together to watch the same TV show each week, but make it constant, regular meeting so that it is a part of your routine. I know that we all have those friends that we can not see for months or even years and it feels like nothing has changed, but that doesn’t mean that we necessarily should go that long. (Long distance friendships notwithstanding, of course!)

You could make a plan to volunteer together regularly, to visit all of the galleries and museums in your city, or even just sit around in sweatpants and just enjoy a cup of tea, but treat it like the high priority that it is. Being able to see a dear and friendly face regularly is not only good for your friendship, but also good for you as a person. Life can be stressful and difficult and hard, and having people you know will be in your corner is important.

How do you make time for your friends? And how do you show them that they are priority? 

Cheers,
The Historian
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