With everything becoming more and more casual, the RSVP seems to be falling to the wayside. An “interested” reply on Facebook might mean that someone will come, they won’t come, they might if something better doesn’t come up, they don’t want to actually say no, or any other number of things. “Maybe I can be there!” often leads to “Won’t be able to make it” 30 minutes prior to the event, or even just a no-show. So, what should actually be happening?
According to Emily Post, it is fairly simple!
-You should reply in the manner requested! If they would like you to email, send an email. If they have requested a mailed RSVP via a response card, fill it out and mail it to the address provided. If a phone reply is requested, make sure to speak with someone.
-Send your RSVP by the date requested! If there is no RSVP, I would recommend aiming for a week prior (or as soon as possible if it is sooner than that). If it is an outing, your host/ess may need to make and confirm reservations; if it is at their home, they will need to make purchases that they may not want to wait until the evening before.
Because I am planning more events for Junior Circle now, I have been on the receiving end of changed RSVPs more times in the last year than anyone should. This is directly from Emily Post’s Invitation Etiquette post:
- Changing a ‘yes’ to a ‘no’ is only acceptable on account of: illness or injury, a death in the family or an unavoidable professional or business conflict. Call your hosts immediately.
- Canceling because you have a “better” offer is a sure fire way to get dropped from ALL the guest lists.
- Being a “no show” is unacceptable.
- Changing a ‘no’ to a ‘yes’ is only okay if it will not upset the hosts’ arrangements.
The last point is the most important to me; if I have made a reservation for a dinner, or booked specific numbers with a hotel, it adds more work for me, as well as the restaurant or hotel. I’m incredibly happy that you would like to enjoy the event as well, but unfortunately, plans have been made. Perhaps next time!
Also, one last note- do not ever ask to bring extra guests. Emily has a fantastic way to gently ask: reply that you cannot attend because you have a house-guest/visiting relative/etc, and that will give your host the opportunity to offer an invitation to them if they chose!
What are your RSVP pet peeves??
Until tomorrow,
The Historian!
Love love love!!!! Drives me bananas how this generation is about RSVPs! Especially when working with a bride on a budget, they can’t afford to plan for no-shows!! And when I’ve called non-responses? I still get a “I don’t know”. Sigh. Although I admit, I have flaked a couple times, mainly because I hate attending weddings as a guest. Much prefer to send a gift.
Weddings are tough- it’s potentially a huge group of people in a room that you have never met for essentially an entire day. I will send you a great gift and avoid the awkward moments! I do have a wedding in July and one in October that I am very much looking forward to, but I have known the bride since kindergarten for the first, and the second couple are close family friends. That’s my saving grace!!
As someone who is currently planning events on a very limited budget, it drives me INSANE. I don’t need to call a hotel two hours before an event to change the numbers for the thousandth time so that the ninth person can change their mind. And these are people who anywhere for 18-50. Wheeeeere did etiquette go???
I hate people that don’t RSVP. Or say ‘maybe’. I’m such a planner that I hate not knowing who/ how many people to expect. It makes it even more stressful
I’m a HUGE planner- I usually have everything purchased/reserved at least 5 days ahead when possible! That last minute change makes quite a bit of work and finaggling for me, not to mention anyone else who might be involved! Such a simple thing makes a world of difference
Omg. The place cards for the rude guests are sooooo funny. I hate people that ignoring RSVP protocol, it makes me absolutely crazy.
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