I don’t know about you, but I tend to assume that people with monuments in cathedrals are important. Lots of people had money, but not everyone has a tomb in a cathedral- there has to be something. However, the more cathedrals I visit, the more I realise that that isn’t the case. I’ll be blunt- there are some real weirdos. Southwark Cathedral is a prime example. Yes, they have famed medieval poet John Gower’s tomb. And of course, the Shakespeare Memorial. But then you come across this guy- Lionel Lockyer, quack doctor of Southwark…
Lionel Lockyer, Quack Doctor of the 17th Century
There are so many infomercials and Instagram ads that are clearly bogus products claiming health benefits, you can’t keep track of them. Well, they seem fairly tame compared with our friend here, Lionel Lockyer. Lockyer was infamous for his pills, that could apparently cure anything. Yes, anything. And what was the magical ingredient? Sunbeams. Yes, you read that correctly- sunbeams. You take several of his sunbeam pills, which may set your body purging from either end, and then you are magically cured… I don’t know if I’ve ever seen the term “quack doctor” applied so appropriately.
*He* Gets a Tomb?
Somehow, Lockyer has a fairly prominent tomb in Southwark Cathedral. As they point out at the cathedral, it is an anatomically incorrect memorial, but it is there. (If you are at the cathedral, you can find it close to the Harvard Chapel.) And you can see a box of said infamous pills in his left hand, to remind us all. (Notably, there are no sunbeams in the memorial…) The inscription is… something- you normally don’t see “PILLS” multiple times on an epitaph.
Here Lockyer: lies interr’d enough: his name
Speakes one hath few competitors in fame:
A name soe Great, soe Generall’t may scorne
Inscriptions whch doe vulgar tombs adorne.
A diminution ’tis to write in verse
His eulogies whch most mens mouths rehearse.
His virtues & his PILLS are soe well known…
That envy can’t confine them vnder stone.
But they’ll surviue his dust and not expire
Till all things else at th’universall fire.
This verse is lost, his PILL Embalmes him safe
To future times without an Epitaph
I’ve got to hand it to his marketing team.
And if you want more on the historic Southwark Cathedral, you can find my post here!
If you are around Southwark Cathedral, it is must-see, not only for Lionel Lockyer! And if someone tries to sell you pills with sunbeams, just say no…
Cheers,
The Historian
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