History in the Making

What a Break Up Can Do to You

I’d like to think that at least with my blog, I’ve been keeping it together for the last month or two. It takes so much more planning and forethought and energy than it ever did before to keep the blog going, but I’m hoping that it’s still enjoyable and useful to everyone as it was before. If you aren’t interested in a personal post, I’m not offended if you don’t read today’s post- Style File Friday is back on Friday, as usual.

Although I can “hold it together” for longer periods of time than I could at the beginning, it’s been four months and I’m still not coping overly well. It’s a constant barrage of “It’s been X amount of time, you have to move on” and “take as much time as you need”, and then trying to figure out some sort of balance between the two, because I do need time (much, much more time) but I don’t want to hold myself back. And it’s exhausting to discuss it with most anyone aside from three or four people, so it’s also a balance of trying to not be rude to someone reaching out because they care and coping as best I can myself.
I still can’t see anything to do with Seattle. Or with Dublin. Or with grad school. Or with baseball. Or with airports. Or with travel. Or with holidays and vacation time. Or with a hundred other things and not have the wind knocked out of me and tears rush to my eyes. It’s a reminder that the person that I thought was my best friend wants nothing to do with me. It’s a reminder that at one point, I was happy and had plans to do something with my life. It’s a reminder that I finally felt like who I was supposed to be and it turned out to be a lie. It’s a reminder that I am alone, and will probably stay that way because the risk of all of this again isn’t worth anything that might be gained. It’s a reminder that the person that I loved never loved me. Its a reminder that the one time I finally took a risk, my entire world fell apart. And that’s incredibly hard to describe to someone at the best of times, least of all when I can barely catch my breath and continue being a functioning person (because this typically doesn’t happen when you are by yourself but usually at work or out in public or with friends).
For some particular reason that I can’t figure out, my brain likes to bring up memories that I never thought of before but now can’t get out of my head. Walking down a street in Dublin when we were getting groceries. Checking into a hotel in York. At the dog park in Salt Lake. All of these things that I never thought of just keep running through my brain on a cycle. To everyone who just says, “do other things to distract yourself”, I am a multi-tasker. I can be writing a blog post or doing yoga or cooking and thinking of these things at the same time. It’s not a switch that I turn off and it’s gone. I more than appreciate all of my friends who have gone above and beyond to keep me doing things and spending time with me and checking in with me, but it’s always there in the back of my mind.
I don’t know where I stand on anything anymore. I don’t know that I believe any relationship is worth it. I don’t know what my life is or what I’m going to do with it. I don’t know what career I want. I don’t know where I want to live. I don’t know if I regret any of the last five years, because quite frankly I’m doing my best to compartmentalise that away so that I can maybe make it through a day without crying. At this point and time, the not knowing is about as bad or worse than knowing I’m unwanted. And I don’t know how to cope with that.
Agnes is my bright spot- she reminds me that although people can be pretty terrible, dogs will always be there for you. She snuggles when I need it the most, keeps me on my feet, and can always make me smile. I can honestly say, I don’t know where I would be at right now without her.
To everyone who has been patient and understanding with me, your kindness, time, and care means the world to me. Thank you for being willing to listen, watch out for me, and push me when I need it.
Until tomorrow,
The Historian
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85 thoughts on “What a Break Up Can Do to You”

  • For some reason this just popped up in my “discover” feed, and man – what an emotional read this was! I went through a breakup last year and felt the same thing. You wonder if you will ever get over it, how to move on and reshape your world. You replay the good, the bad, the mundane – and you miss it all. My big question is – now that even more time has passed since you wrote this post, how are you doing?? Hopefully better! ❤

    • Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts, it is very much appreciated! I got a puppy in February and she has made my life infinitely full of the best love ? I don’t know that I ever want another relationship again, but my counselor has helped me see that it is okay that I don’t!

  • Oh my… after reading your post I feel like there is someone out there who can totally understand and feel what I feel right now. I am fighting these mind circles and cycles every day and it is indeed exhausting and worst part is I feel like there is nothing at all I can do to make it feel more bearable or change anything about the situation.
    I want to thank you for this post and I want to tell you that you made me feel a bit more normal and a bit more hopeful knowing I’m not alone.
    I wish you can regain your strength and find hope and joy for life. If only it worked by voting of all those who love and care for us we would be already fine and happy. I don’t know exactly what it takes to move on… but I do believe we will survive this and we will love again. Good luck! And once again thank you for sharing!

    • Thank you for your kind words, and I’m glad that I was able to help you in some way! At this point in time, I’m not interested in dating again because it doesn’t seem worth it quite frankly, but I am looking forward to finding happiness for me 🙂

  • Hang in there. Isn’t it amazing how people who have most likely never walked in your shoes are full of free unsolicited advice??? Sometimes those public conversations can be quite painful and infuriating. I will keep you in my prayers. I understand. There are some of us who can not divert our minds easily. So sorry for this painful experience. I pray you will find peace and comfort knowing others care about you and that your future will hold unexpected joys.

  • Did your words ever resonate with me! I am currently confused, frustrated, and lost. Friends are there to support and, as you mentioned, with words of good will, it is still not enough. It has been, what, 4 or 5 months now and nothing has changed. Work and life are not distracting enough. I cannot fathom dating again at my age; just the thought of all the energy that accompanies the dating process exhausts me… If you find the answer, please let me know, or write and update. I could sure use the guidance.

  • I can relate to every single thing you are saying. Mine has been on and off for 8 years. Today he wants me, tomorrow he doesn’t. He was my best friend, and I was someone who just filled the empty gaps when he deemed fit. I feel useless, worthless, and worst of all – I miss him. I miss the best friend I once had. I found out yesterday he was going on a blind date – he could make the time for someone else, but not me. It’s soul crushing.
    So to you today, I want to say, I understand, I sympathise, I honour you

  • Just wanted to tell you that it does get better — I would know, I’ve been through it. Happened a couple of years ago: it would seem like the perfect fairytale: moved to America from Asia fresh out of college, and just so happened to rekindle with my first boyfriend in high school. He was honestly the one that got away, and I was happy that we were able to give it another shot. Circumstances happened, and we had to do the long distance thing (him in America, me back in Asia) before he decided to just jump ship and left me hanging without any reason why. I felt like total shit for like a year and a half, maybe even longer than that; I was just always haunted with the thoughts of how I didn’t try hard enough, or if he found someone better. I deleted every single picture, and just looking at any photos of San Francisco sent me bawling my eyes out. And Adele, oohh that woman knows how to make a grown ass woman ugly cry for a good few hours.
    It’s okay to not know what you want or what’s going to be next, because the you now will eventually put the pieces together. When I broke up with my ex, I realized a lot of the things I wanted then are things I don’t really want now. It’ll take some time but eventually, that trip to Seattle won’t send you tearing up in a Starbucks bathroom. Who knows, your worries and what ifs right now could be your ticket to something better. 🙂

  • You know reading this , I laughed to myself not because I think you are ridiculous but because you sound just like me. I recently went through a break up where I loved like I never loved before, and when finding out that that feeling is not reciprocated, oh my god !!! What a punch In the throat. You do wonder what the hell are you doing? Who are you? My life was it a lie? It’s nuts . I don’t know how long it’s been for you but mine has been about 9 months and I still have memory flash backs that come to me and then I get upset. I think god was I stupid.. how the hell did I get punked so easily. I like to say punked like the Ashton Kutcher tv show. BecAuse really that is how it’s feels. But I will shed some light on your questions on finding yourself which I still am asking as well, if it was meant to be , then you would be ! Ya know. Don’t you feel a freeing feeling to find out who you were before was not who you want to be. I mean maybe you think it . But do you really want to be living a lie. So, now you can look at it like a path on a journey to some exciting findings about yourself. I know the feeling of not being wanted. Honestly though you are wanted by your friends and family and thank whoever you look to for religious beliefs that you are not wanted by someone who faked the funk with you . Be careful though as harboring bad feelings towards your ex will send bad juju your way and it’s a revolving door. Remember just because it was a lie doesn’t mean you’re bad or whomever is bad as well. That person just is going through their own path too. Now you were both on a path , then crossed in your paths and now are leading new paths . Do you feel that you have gained some self awareness after all of it? I know I did and still am. Ok I get the trusting and not wanting to do it again but that all just means you are not ready. Find yourself and you will be free. Then when you are free you will love another and it will be better because you will know who you are and what you want . Your journeywill be strong and your pathis never and was never wrong remember that .

  • Just be positive. Even if people say something about you. Just be yourself and be happy. Express yourself through writing. I know some wouldnt want it but it may have impact to others. Life experience is the reality. And its good to read life experiences.

  • I feel for you. I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, but I do feel for you and your pain. About four months ago now, I also broke up with my best friend, a person I had been with for three years, and it was harder than anything has ever been. I’ve started blogging and recognize some of your feelings in the words I’ve written myself. But I promise you, clarity comes with time, and you will get through it because you will move forward, and find comfort in the fact that your destiny is always in your future, never in your past. Sending you happy thoughts and strength! From one blogger to another 🙂

  • Is there anything more disheartening then unrequited love. I’m sorry for the tear this has left on you, and I’m sorry for the cavalcade of emotions left in it’s wake. I understand what it is not just to feel lonely but to feel truly alone, to feel so foolish as hindsight waves every red flag in your face.
    The best advice I can offer is take some time every day to do something for yourself even if the enjoyment is minimal and fleeting. The act reinforces every single day not through words but through action that you are worth it. Little by little you may find it helps you to rebuild yourself you are worthy of love especially your own. If you never love romantically ever again, then I hope you truly love yourself and treat yourself better then anyone ever has, you deserve it. Keep fighting the good fight.

  • Hi… New reader here. Sorry you’re going through a rough spot. Life can be a bit of mess sometimes, eh? Anyway, let yourself cry and don’t worry about timelines. Take it easy on yourself. There is no timeline for recovering from a loss. Just remember to love yourself through it all, just like your dog loves you. And when you have a chance to breathe, you can start thinking about this opportunity to recreate yourself and your life. It’s time to start being your own best friend FIRST.
    Here’s a great poem that helped me when I was in a really dark place…
    Veronica A. Shoffstall – After a While
    After a while you learn
    The subtle difference between
    Holding a hand and chaining a soul
    And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
    And company doesn’t always mean security.
    And you begin to learn
    That kisses aren’t contracts
    And presents aren’t promises
    And you begin to accept your defeats
    With your head up and your eyes ahead
    With the grace of a woman
    Not the grief of a child
    And you learn
    To build all your roads on today
    Because tomorrow’s ground is
    Too uncertain for plans
    And futures have a way
    Of falling down in mid flight
    After a while you learn
    That even sunshine burns if you get too much
    So you plant your own garden
    And decorate your own soul
    Instead of waiting
    For someone to bring you flowers
    And you learn
    That you really can endure
    That you are really strong
    And you really do have worth
    And you learn and you learn
    With every good bye you learn.
    Take care… M.

  • We need to accept and grow out of it..I have felt the same way so I can feel your pain and miserability too..but with time we just need to be stronger to accept the harsh reality and try to just keep it as a part of our life rather than affecting the rest of our life..at some point we need to think about them who are still there with us and not about them who left us in the middle of our lives..

  • I really need this today, as much as I’m sure it hurt you to write. My ex and I broke up just over a week ago, and I’m already anticipating having to navigate all these aspects of the breakup. I even created a blog almost immediately after it happened, just so I could have a place to write down my thoughts. From one Canadian to another, I’m sending you all of the positivity in the world! We’ll get through it.

    • Although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I am glad to know that this is helpful for you!! It’s a scary and unknown new world to face, and everyone has advice and recommendations. My only recommendation is: Do what you need to, and find your outlets 🙂 I am always here if you need someone to talk to, or even just someone to listen

  • I appreciate your vulnerability in this post. You are one courageous woman and I have no doubt that your heart will be open to love again. I had a similar experience, dated, we got engaged and he later went off to school. Our relationship didn’t survive the distance. I was heart broken for a long, long time. If I’m honest with myself, I do think about him. But, I’ve moved on, life counties to mend a broken heart from its first love. I found a lovely man, he became my husband and now the father of my six littles. You too will in time find the strength to move on. Just place one foot in front of the other. I’m sure we’re not the only ones that have had a hard time getting over a break up. Many hugs from Florida ❤️

  • I was going to click “like” but there’s nothing to like about the way you feel. Perhaps I would click an “I understand” button, but how superficial would hundreds of “I understand” appear? I know void. I know the abyss of blank befuddle-ment induced by sorrow. I know how empty the kindest words can seem, but I wish you well.

  • Thank you for this because I’ve been there, and I could have never said it like this, and I don’t feel alone! I literally cried with you. I said HAVE been there.
    I am also still on the fence of if I would be willing to risk my heart again. But I am happy again. One day you will get your star back, and you don’t give that star to anyone else, it’s yours. You will get through it, I have, and I never thought I would. I’m definitely bruised and scarred but I made it through.
    I was actually in the position of breaking someone else’s heart, in fact he did it to me in the first place, regardless it broke my heart to break his because I know how awful it is, I can feel it in my chest now. But He had done the damage and after everything I couldn’t do it again. You will surprise yourself.
    You will get out with a Hallelujah, it might be cold and broken but a hallelujah nonetheless.
    I hope you find your peace sooner than later. And you did the right thing by sharing this because I’m sure someone else will not feel so alone anymore.

  • Dear Historian,
    Thank you for your openness. As one who had my heart broken after four years of marriage, I can relate. Many times you don’t get over things, you just get through them.
    It does get better, and then one day you say to yourself, “What was I thinking when I was with that guy? He’s not even my type!”
    Best wishes for hope and healing.

  • This is so touching and my heart breaks for you. You’re right about how dogs will always be there for you. Wishing you well and that all you’ve been through will serve you in some way in the future, to help someone else or to help you. At this point, I’m sure it’s hard to think that far ahead. One day at a time. Hugs.
    In looking at your picture, you remind me of one of my granddaughters. She’s almost five, so I’m sure that sounds funny to you, but I imagine she might look like you when she’s grown. Actually, you look like you could be my daughter! 🙂

  • I understand what you’re going through. I have been there. I just want to remind you that time really does heal all wounds, especially that of love. In my short lifetime thus far, I have loved thousands of times and in each their own way. Life’s trials and tribulations really can throw you off course, but there is more harm in that, giving up, than feeling the pain you’re experiencing. Feel it, keep yourself busy and soon you’ll move on from it. I wish the best for you! Stay strong!
    Jess || https://www.learningfromstrangers.com

  • Hey The Historian,
    I recently am going through a breakup. I never looked at it being a general problem with others. The world only rotated around my feelings a second ago until I read yours. It’s amazing to hear that the same process of ensuring the well being of the body and mind is taken on by another person. I realized in this moment of grief and sorrow that you can relate to me. I keep on forgetting we are all human, and emotion is not being a sign of weakness but is necessary. You reminded me of a quote I once heard. It stated: This too shall pass. Thank you for this. I wish you all the best. I also hope you get over this as well. You surely are helping me with mine.

    • I am sorry to hear that you are going through this as well, but I am glad that it has brought you some comfort. I find it particularly difficult to be so self-focused because I tend to always focus on others- I’m by no means a saint, but my general state of being is typically focusing on other people. So not only am I still reeling, I am in entirely unfamiliar and confusing territory and don’t know how to cope. I do hope that this will pass for both of us, and I am here if you ever need to chat!

  • Hang in there, you will make it through and once there you can re-evaluate your thoughts on love. Sending you my best wishes and praying that your bruises heal soon. Hugs Xx

  • I think everyone at some point in their lives has thoughts like this, in my opinion it’s normal especially after something like a break up. Hope you feel better soon xx

  • I want to add that it is okay to be exactly where you are and to feel exactly what you feel. I used to become unspeakably sad while grocery shopping, because my ex was the cook, and a great one, and so grocery shopping was his thing. I SO feel your pain. Understand that it’s okay to curl up and lose your shit. Sometimes, as my friend says, you have to lose your shit to keep it together. Hang in there. Just step to the side for now. Give yourself permission to do what you need to do.

    • Baseball does that to me, and although I’m just pretending baseball doesn’t exist for me, it exists for everyone else (especially in the commercials during the hockey playoff games), and it really does send me reeling, even now.

    • Thank you so much for sharing this with me, you have put into words how I am feeling perfectly. I do think that people mean well when they say to get back to your routine, but my routine was blown to pieces so it’s not really an option now. And coming up with a new routine is tough, although my puppy does help a lot with that!

  • I’m so very sorry to read this. Take each day as it comes. That sounds like a cliche, but it’s a cliche for a very good reason. You’re doing right not think of the big stuff. Take care of you & lovely Agnes xxx

    • Thank you very much, Hayley- it very much bothers me to ignore the big stuff, but as I can’t make a decision to save my life right now, I’ll just pretend they aren’t there. Agnes is wonderful for keeping me on my toes and busy!

  • Aww Jessica, I am sending all the hugs. I have been really impressed how you have kept things together with this blog and sharing photos of the cutest puppy in history!
    Please give me a shout if you can get a ticket to Vancouver and want to escape for a few days. I’m not sure what Monty would think of Agnes, but he’s bigger than her, so I think he could cope!! We have a spare room if you need hugs or a new place to escape to.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words, Josy- and your offer, Agnes and I may come out there to visit for a few days! I’ve really been focusing on the blog because it is something I can control, and it’s what I want it to be. I don’t think that it’s necessarily where it was before, and I lost a lot of momentum, but I can’t change anything about that now. It’s time to focus on whatever I enjoy and cut the things I don’t!

      • YES!! And have extra puppy cuddles because she is SUCH a cutie.
        I’m surprised you think you’ve lost momentum though. I think you’re awesome.

  • You’re doing great! There is no timeframe on when you can move on, it happens when it happens, so while it’s good to make efforts to keep busy and distract yourself, don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes just getting through the day can be an achievement! Keep doing what you’re doing and even though you can’t believe it now, one day you will realise it hurts that little bit less xx

    • Thank you so much, Steph. It’s so hard to go from the type A, achiever mentality that I’ve had my entire life to having going 12-24 hours without tears be an achievement BUT if that’s my achievement, it’s what is it. I’ve plateaued for months now, and it feels like I’m barely treading water- maybe treading water is the best I can do, and that’s okay!

  • I don’t know if this helps or makes it worse. But I’m just finally getting over the man i thought I was going to marry and it’s been like three years. There was some on and off crap so that contributed to the length of time.
    But take all the time you need and there will come a time where you really do feel better – not the fake better you try to convince yourself you are – but really better.

    • Thank you, Kaitlin. It’s very true, it is a fake better and I don’t think I’ve actually made much improvement. However, I’m slowly, very slowly, learning to accept that that is okay. I am hoping that at least by the fall, I can start to think of the future again, but other than that, timelines have ceased to exist for me.

  • Hi lovely, i’m not going to add to those telling you all those ridiculous platitudes but I promise – from someone who has been there – that you will be happy again. You will remember Seattle and Dublin with fondness. The five years haven’t been pointless; you’ve grown and experienced and learned, and you will carry on, you and Agnes, growing, experiencing and learning. Don’t look too far into the future, or into the past, concentrate on each day at a time, and do things – even if they’re tiny things – that make you happy. I gave up on relationships, and then finally found the man who wouldn’t give up on me. Look after yourself Jess, and eventually you will put yourself back together again xx

    • Thank you so much for your kind words, Em, they mean a lot to me. If nothing else, I hope that I can trust myself and my judgement again, because it’s even hard for me to meet new friends right now- how do I know that something isn’t terrible wrong when I have no idea? Before this relationship, I never wanted to take that chance for this very reason- sadly, I proved myself right. I’m hoping that when she’s a little older, Agnes can be my travel buddy. I do hope that I can return to Dublin one day though, it truly breaks my heart that I can’t even think about it without tears right now.

  • The last thing you need is more advice. So instead I will share something that comforts me.
    It is considered psychologically appropriate to grieve for half the duration of the relationship.

    • I am guessing that it will take longer than that, and I am okay with that. If nothing else, I am learning that things I once assumed I needed in my life aren’t, and that being on my own is fine.

  • You’re grieving – it’s allowed. It’s an end, a death. Not just of a past and present but of a future to that now has to be rewritten. I have gone through the same, you can be absolutely fine and then the slightest thing can just knock the air out of your lungs. I was driving once and had to pull over and stop because a memory just came out of nowhere and devastated me. It will get better. They I can promise you but it’ll be in your time, no one else’s and however long or short that is – it’s okay. It’s your healing, it will happen. Don’t feel bad about it either!

    • I’m at almost 5 months, and those devastating memories still sneak up on me, and it’s like it is fresh again. It’s hard to explain to most people, so I’m grateful that you know exactly where I am. It is coming to the point where other people think I need to be moving on, and that is difficult. However, this is what life has dealt me and what I must go through. I keep trying to remind myself to focus on me, but this isn’t the time when one wants to do that a whole lot!

  • Ohhh…I’m so sorry 🙁 Obviously I don’t know the details of your situation but I certainly know the pain of feeling…left. By the person you trusted most NOT to leave you, abandon you, hurt you. It turns your world upside down. Things you thought to be true now all seem shaky or untrue. You second guess everything. I get it. Don’t try to rush yourself through it. Being busy doesn’t make it go away but it can mask it for a bit so you have some breathing room. So you can get a tiny respite from FEELING. From your heart twisting, incapable of pumping oxygen. Eventually, those tiny moments will begin to grow. They WILL. New life will start settling on top of the hurt. The hurt won’t be GONE but it will pushed down a bit, not so near the surface. Do find nice things to do for yourself. If ever there’s a time to pamper yourself, this is it. Go to a new town and explore. Take your dog for long walks. Buy a new book. Listen to books on tape in the car (the car is always the worst for me, I took to calling it The Crying Box). Go for a massage. Go for several massages. Eat ice cream. Make a new recipe. I know these might sound silly but every new thing, every new experience you can have, will help put new fresh memories on top of old hurtful ones. Interestingly, talking to other people about *him* was never really a help. They love ME. They’re on MY side. So they would be all “he’s an asshole,” etc. But I couldn’t (and STILL can’t) hear bad things about him. Yes, he probably WAS an asshole, but I still loved him and still wanted him and still hoped for him to show up one day and make everything right again…and hearing bad things just made me defend him and that was not a help to letting him go. Which, in the end, is what I needed to do. Him letting ME go was almost inconsequential. I had to learn how to let HIM go…so he didn’t still have my heart in his hands and I could hope to someday move on.
    Whoa, this was long. Listen, everyone’s situation is different. There’s no one magic formula for getting past a broken heart (especially if you don’t yet really WANT to “get past it.” You WANT to FIX it. But both people have to want to fix it. And if he doesn’t…then you need to find a way to move on and eventually stop having hurt be the overriding emotion in your heart and in your life. So do what feels right to you, but definitely DO something.
    I don’t know how old you are or how many times you’ve had your heart broken. I’m old (ha ha) and have had my heart broken a number of times in my life. Every time you think This is The One I Won’t Recover From, but…I’ve recovered from them all. In time.
    I’m around if you want to chat.
    Bettye

    • Bettye, thank you so much for your thoughtful words. The shower tends to be where I cry- there’s a lot of time to think in the shower, more time than I would like, and you can only hold it in for so long. I tend not to discuss the person with most people because of exactly what you said- I don’t know where I stand on him. It’s impossible to reconcile the person that I thought I knew with the person who did this, and I’m still at a loss. I’m not angry, I’m just heartbroken and sad. Perhaps anger would be more useful, but alas, it’s not what I’ve got. I’m trying to focus on the things that I can control right now, even if it’s something small like ordering business cards for my blog, or getting books together to give away. (I’ve also dug deeper into podcasts than ever- thanks to technology, my audiobooks and podcasts are available any time I need them!)
      I don’t know that I want to do this again, truly. Being on my own won’t stop me from living a fulfilling life, and if this is the size hurdle I’m going to have to get over every time, no one is worth it (me included). I think perhaps that some people, the people who invest far too much in relationships, are perhaps best on their own. It would force us to focus on ourselves, and could maybe save some anguish. Thank you again for sharing with me, it helps to know that others have gone on.

      • “Perhaps anger would be more useful, but alas, it’s not what I’ve got.” I hear that. The few people in my life that knew about the situation would get SO ANGRY and could never understand how I didn’t feel the same…and how I STILL can’t bear to hear anyone else say anything bad about him.
        The Crying Shower ? Interestingly, that’s one of the few places I DON’T cry. I think water is so relaxing to me it’s a place I can just sort of go “ahhhh.” But I can see how crying in there would be good (good? you know what I mean). The sound of the water would cover up crying sounds, the water would help wash the tears away. We all have our things. Funny you should mention podcasts. I now listen to audio books or podcasts anytime I’m in the car, even just for a few minutes, because it helps distract me from my thoughts.
        Yeah, I sort of feel like I will probably not ever be in a romantic relationship again (I’m probably much older than you so “ever” is a much shorter time for me). I’m certainly not LOOKING for one. I’m just fine on my own…though I do sometimes miss the sharing and talking aspects of a relationship like that.
        Oh well. I hope you continue to feel stronger and less sad with time. I’m around if you ever want to chat.
        Bettye

  • I know exactly how you feel. I’m currently trying to get over my first true heartbreak and seriously struggling to do so. I think it’s just going to take some time for both of us and I hope you start feeling better soon x

  • Hi. I’m incredibly sorry that you’re going through this. I just want to say that I know, and I understand.
    You’re very brave to be able to write about it. The obsessive and intrusive thoughts are the worst but they do go, they do. You just have to keep on fighting every day, try to do small things and take every little victory you can.
    You will be happy again, and although that seems really far away right now, it is coming 🙂

    • Thank you, Em. I’m trying to focus on the tiny steps I am taking, and that they are in fact steps (even though they usually result in me being about 6 steps backwards). I have to say, this is the scariest post I have ever written, and I have so much respect for bloggers who share their personal thoughts!!

  • To clarify, I don’t actually ‘like’ this at all, I feel dreadful for you, but I think that it is very good to be able to express yourself so clearly. I really hope that you can push through to the other side eventually, and come out even stronger than before.

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