So, if you were born in the last four decades, you more likely than not grew up on Disney films. While I love a good princess story as much as the next person, Disney movies have so much more to offer than just a love story. I have decided to give these movies their proper and deserved awards.
Sassiest Narrators That Made You Consider Living on Pottery
The Muses from Hercules are pretty much the greatest narrators ever to appear in a Disney film- sassy and actual figures in Greek mythology, it doesn’t get any better than that. Hercules is one of my favourite Disney movie; its an intelligent and modern retelling of mythology that is suitable for any age. It’s also HILARIOUS. “Call ‘I’ ‘X’ ‘I’ ‘I’!” That will never not be an amazing joke. Also: Mount Olympus looks baller. I would rent a pad there.
Best Not Released In Theatres But Could Have Been
The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride is a fantastic movie. Timon and Pumba are still there, with their usual swag. The music is four out of five stars for me. Kovu is a great foil- you are like, “you might be conflicted but I still want you to come out on top”. “My Lullaby” is a pretty badass song, and that is not something I can say about most Disney songs; “Love Will Find a Way” is as strong a Disney ballad as any theatrical release has had. If you have the chance, snag a copy of this!!
Most Innocent Movie As A Kid That Will Scare The Bejeebus Out of You As An Adult If you can watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame as an adult and not be terrified to sleep, you are probably some sort of special ops spy. HE IS SINGING ABOUT BURNING IN HELL, GUYS. Clopin is a decent narrator to open the story, the gypsies are endlessly entertaining. If you could make an entire film out of “Topsy Turvy”, I would be there in a heartbeat. Maybe watch this at Halloween or some other day where you purposely unsettle yourself…
The Movie That Convinced You That Animals Are Just The Same As People
Robin Hood is probably one of my favourite movies of all time- 1. Foxes are badass. 2. King John obviously had a literal snake as an advisor, and this explains the Magna Carta. 3. Maybe our lives would be a little more entertaining if we had a chicken helping us through our day. As a medieval historian, I particularly appreciate that this movie makes medieval history more accessible for children- anthropomorphised animals can explain ANYTHING.
The Most Badass Kid That You Still Want To Be
If someone says they don’t want to be Lilo, they are either living in a hole or lying. Lilo and Stitch has so many classic lines, my personal favourite being: “I’m sorry I bit you. And pulled your hair. And punched you in the face.” This line will allow you to apologise for anything, regardless of whether you bit them, pulled their hair, or punched them in the face. Also, I feel that it gives you the go ahead to do these things because you have that apology ready. Stitch is a pretty solid dog- I think most of us want a dog this hilarious and hearty. This movie is always appropriate, whether you are happy, angry, or just plain old sad.
Protagonist Who Could Host His Own E-Network Reality Show
Kuzco is SO. DAMN. SASSY. No other explanation needed for him. Pacha is the perfect foil for Kuzco and they make a pretty solid duo. There is no arguing with Kronk, though- he definitely steals the show. “WRONG LEVER, KRONK” is appropriate for anytime something goes wrong, or anytime you have a lovable giant hulking around your lair.
I hope that this spurs some throwback movie viewing.